July 30, 2010

Absolution of Fear


I have always felt the urgency to be independent and now here comes my chance. I have gotten a fully-funded scholarship from the U.S. Embassy in Bahrain through the NESA UGRAD ESCHANGE program to go to study in an American university for a year. It is a chance of a lifetime and to me a unique opportunity to be that independent me I have always been looking forward to meet. Yet, I am terrified. I have never been alone, I am not that confident being in such a different environment and I will miss my baby sisters dearly which will make me weak. I am scared and terrified to abandon the life I am used to, my room, my bed, and my friends and through myself into the wild in what is ought to be an exquisite experience. In the same time, it is something I must go through. I understand the essence of this great opportunity which will hopefully break every fragment of fear within my souls, reshape my enthusiastic spirit for change and unleash my latent talents that will inevitably accomplish my mission in life.

I will be spending a year long excessive program of academic studies and volunteer challenges in Juniata College located in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania, USA. I have managed to find come connections and have spoken to a few people who have had some sort of a connected experience to where I am going. So far, it looks promising with great variations from where I come from.
I definitely will miss my crowded house, my polluted city-town, my bus station, the hangouts I cannot attend with my friends, the meetings I cannot attend, the events I am not allowed to go to and the heat. I will miss this lovely place on earth, my home.

I want to miss it. I want to throw myself into challenges, experiences and opportunities without any boundaries hoping I would fall and get up over and over and over again. Wishing to meet new people, learn from their lifelong experience, their passions and their morale attitudes towards life.

I now am enthusiastic about pulling it through; through the daily lectures that my very traditional grandmother lectures my her sister about for letting me go, the daily worry-ful questions about my actions abroad, about my studies there, the place I will be staying at and the people I ought to take good care from. I am confident that my indomitable will will definitely sustain my ambition’s determination and my spirit’s eagerness to overcome the mess I am in now for being a “boy”, as my family considers me, for disobeying social conducts and finding my own moral rules in life that reach beyond the limitations of gender, society and traditions that relate in no possible way to my religion.

Yet, I am scared but now I am determined to make it!

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