December 26, 2010

Slam Dunk; Awakened!

It too k me a while to realize what this was all about. I came here very much excited about the new experience, got trapped and too tangled in a web of loss and depression. I know myself well enough this moment, remember all the troublesome daily chores I had to undergo to make it to school, then NGOs and then back home late at night to start working all night long on my life's work. I did not see how tough I was until I was here in this silly depression. Well, you know what? To hell with this insane and ridiculous feeling. My time here has been well-deserved, this scholarship was a bless from God and I deserve every bit of it. I ain't no any pedestrian, I knew this since I was 9 years old; I was never a pedestrian passing through life, I am here to change it.

I lived my whole life in a broken house, never had a backbone to reply on nor did I allow the bits and pieces of my family to be that because I know I am here fighting on my own. So, what is the difference coming in a society like America's. Sure it is bigger, tougher, easier to manage and much of it is laid back.  But ain't this the other side of life I always wondered about and what it would be like to be part of. What I learned from this is I do not like laziness, lack of achievement and purpose; life is worth not living this way. Forever I have been determined to change my community creating a better future for my baby sisters for the atrocities I have seen form a very early age.

I am way late, nonetheless, I set my mind on it and I am ready to go!

Time for work no more procrastinating; no more fears to hide from, hesitation ought to be severed from the heart, ambitions are racing and home is awaiting for the best of me!

Wish me luck!

December 6, 2010


It is the scraps of little wisdoms given to us in the most insecure manners than change our lives. Not the magnificent architectures of the world today, or the wars shed by millions in names they cannot understand, or the noble prizes for great achievement. God forbid that I intend to undermine those articles of greatness brought to the light at one point or another. I only mean to describe what really changes you from the inside without you realizing it that you walk miles in one step and elevate in the ladder of life way more comfortably than you see.

I have come to this culture unaware of my disabilities and frightened by my built-up walls that kept me strong for year through the roughness of my society. I came armed with a will to build up ever stronger wall to keep me safe from the hurricanes, volcanoes and destruction I have imagined. I prepared for the worst and I have succeeded in protecting myself, so far.
However, I learned one thing. I was deceiving myself. Those walls have cut the pieces of cake I eagerly wanted to eat for me, colored the paintings I have always pictured in my mind and carved the words I always respected in the world with every fall I had to endure. The work has been completed, by me somehow, but not because of me.

I aspire high in life, higher than I allow myself to believe possible, work hard for it, break down once and over again, re-boost and go for it. Yet, I seem to have forgotten that what changes me is the little notes from those who matter the most to you in the world.
I am blessed with the most valuable gifts there are to be obtained in this world and during my stay here in the United States, I have managed to come across some of the most genuinely unique and incredible people that change my life in every possible way I never knew existed. The smaller the manner they approached things is, the bigger the conflicts we had and the greater respect I carried for them.

Some are too careful out here to attempt a test us, internationals that is. Testing is a normal thing to get involved in another person’s character. They are remarkable, smarts in their fields and upfront, even if not with us the whole time. At times I wish they could break away from their fear and test us in every possible way, after all, what is there for them to lose rather than gain.
One of the best things I cannot seem to be able to describe is the sensation I get when I unfold one of the pages of my past diaries to find me speaking of those I met instead of me. On my first three writings in America, I wrote of at least two whom I admire a lot. I am very fond of curiosity and spontaneity as I believe they can take me a long way rather than formality and strictness. This to me seems to be the problem in bridging the American-international gap.

TO be continued...