Bahrain's Retribution

I have always thought of my work to be trivial. Whether I have put together something big or small, unique or absurd, genuine or purposeless, or even if it had all the elements together so it provided the best results ever. I always find what I do trivial. Only today I understood why I did and continue to find everything I do in life to be trivial. It is simply because I believe in a better purpose and result of everything I do. Whether it was a small walk to clear my mind, a small talk with a friend to try to help, or even letting go of my guards with friends to help myself feel better; I always want it to be for a good purpose in life that will benefit those who surround me.

This year has brought a lot of surprises to a lot of people around the world that many doubters started to identify with an "end" that is coming. I found it very ironic that the year when clocks started working in reverse and predictions of tribal heritage we have come upon tell us that our calenders will no longer be of use, is the year when all hell broke loose around the world, and I do not mean the metaphoric hell. Look at it from my point of you with one question in mind: Does the purpose justify the means?

A few months ago, people in Bahrain have taken upon themselves to grab the opportunity to focus international's media's attention to their constitutional demands and hold it by the horns. With that, they understood the hardship of the Bahraini regime in caparison to other Arab nations that had their own revolutions this year, some of which have paid off and other still pave the way to a brighter future. Many have died, protesters, policemen, young men, women, and passerbys. The two sides, the government and the opposition have stated their demands which have been affected by the constant reactions from one side to the other leading us to the current situation today.

What started as peaceful demonstrations in February, which due to the loss of young men, spread the flame of the fire of democracy that has been ignited decades ago due to the lack of freedoms, especially of expression, in Bahrain. What followed was an outrage of a lot of new factions of the Bahraini community that was horrified by what could this lead to, baring in mind the current revolutions in the region. The people declared civil disobedience and the war of principles was then unleashed. The GCC's Peninsula Shield Force entered the country following the declaration of the State of Emergency by king Hamad Alkhalifa. To not make my narration long, as the "stories" differ today, I will get to the current circumstances.

Nowadays, oppositions leaders, members, journalists, reporters, doctors, nurses, students, youth and individuals are locked up in Bahrain prisons and sentences range from jail sentences to execution. The king called for a national dialogue that will take place in a few days time, removed the Peninsula Shield Force troops from the country and ended the State of Emergency the beginning of June. Along with "promises" of reform and retribution, students were expelled from the University of Bahrain and the Bahrain Polytechnic before and after the king decided to lay the platform for dialogue. My own sister was a victim of that and the reasoning behind the decision to expel her was that she called for overthrowing the government and supported the anti-govertnment protests, this was the sentence by the military officials who interrogated most of the expelled students. I mention my sister's case not for sympathy or because of causes of anger, I simply do that to revoke the lies that have been spreading around.

During the time of the revolution, the government has constantly and still does claim that the reason behind the revolution is to overthrow the government anticipating and Iranian Islamic Republic and that protesters are Shiites which further supports this accusations. Many have been sentenced to life sentences, prison time and a few to be executed due such charges that have no bases. I say no bases because the reality of the matter is s follows: The majority of the people in Bahrain are Shiites, and no Sawsan Alshaer I do not have a statistic but I actually live among the people and all Bahrainis agree to this reality. The government is Sunni. Thus, the clash exists. However, the clash is not between a Sunni government and a Shiite opposition, the conflict is a matter of constitutional reform. Yes, people have called of overthrowing the government and carried religious symbols but that does not conclude the case to the demand of the Iranian state's rule over Bahrain and it will never do. All that it is, is the simple reflection of th ereligious identity of som eindividuals and their deseprate demand for a better constitution and a better government, demands called for throughout the globe.

Going back to my sister's case, the reason I used her example is because she is a Sunni, I am a Sunni and I have other Sunni friends who do not believe in the measures that the government with the Peninsula Shield Force troops in oppressing the struggle.

During the conflict, I have come to really realize the true relationships I have had amongst the thousands of people I know from Bahrain, some call themselves, family others friends  and the usual acquaintances. The reason why I invest this personal aspect of my life is because it is the reality of the situation now and the real problem facing my nations rather than simply the regime and its opposers. in the last few weeks, my doubts and fears have come to life. I no longer have as many friends, most of which kept the matter to themselves and resigned to calling me traitor and firing shots of resentment and hatred towards me. However, I have also gotten support messages respecting the risk I take, which is not much at all compared to what my friends and acquaintances who stand for a better constitution, human rights and freedoms have done. My only risk was to repost, retweet, trying to get students in America interested in what is going on in my country, sharing my ideas and ideals over the internet. Due to that, I have been threatened, blocked, removed, cursed, called a Shiite, which some thinks of as an insult, and is probably waiting the same fate as my sister and a lot of brave young individuals who actually believe in the metaphors they quote, the books they read and the philosophies they individually debate. I am no brave at all for the simple fact that I currently reside outside of my beloved country but those who truely know me understand the length I go for if there is an ideal I strongly believe in. This was not at all a problem for me, to be hated and attacked; what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. What is the real dilemma, is what my family is putting me through. For some reason, I thought that the choice is between my education and career in Bahrain as well as elsewhere verses my political, social and moral ideals. Reality check, this is the easiest choice as I will always choose the latter. The troublesome choice is to choose between my family, friends along with my career and my ideals. Guess what, at this moment I have chosen the latter, easier and faster I have come to this conclusion. I do not give that credit to the ideals I believe in or to the friends who have shown grave bravery in standing up against all oppression, the credit goes to my family.

for the past two weeks, the number of times my family has called me is more than the total of the times they have called me throughout the past academic year at Juniata College. The conversations are repetative, bothersome, depressing and not at all filled with genuine concenr. Also, the progression of these conversation is nonexistance. My family considers both my sister and myself as traitor to the country because of what I echoed and expressed, and what my sister was concerned with. Their justification is their ignorance of what was it really that we have done to gain so much hatred from friends and strangers, being enlisted as traitors on teh internet and ofcourse the reasoning behind my sister's expelling.

Realizing that I lost the most valuable element that fueled me with energy in my life has woken me up from a very long siesta. I never cared what strangers thought of me, came to understand that some friends ought to step on you and backstab you at some point, and have already established a definition to the essance of my life. Nonetheless, my family was an integral part of my motivation. Now, as it is an obstacle, I came to peace at accepting the fact that the reality of the matter it is the relationships you have are those who you can count on and not the pre-established, socially defined ones.

So, having so many choices to make, so many paths of possibilities open in front of me, my conscience takes over to lead me to my life goal that I have repeated since I was thirteen years old. I want to change my country to a better place for my family and friends to build their lives at peace.

Bahrain stand today dealing with sectarianism that did not pre-exist in the measures and hatred it possesses today. Friends and families torn apart for the sole hate of one's religious, political, social and personal dreams. This wound will never heal no matter what people say and I honestly rather it does not because unless we can achieve a promising change in Bahrain, nothing else will matter.

Miles and miles away from my beloved country where I loved and grew up with the most amazing people, have seen promises by my government and my current king fall short as did such promises in teh past, and with the growing gaps drawn in relationships; I want to let the world know that people who will die for this country's future exist for a reason, to see a change happen not for their generation, or their childrens' generation but for your granchildrens' future.

Mohammed Bunafoor was my grandfather and it is because of him that I met people like Abdulrahman Alnoaimi and Ebrahim Sharif who have shown me love for Bahrain that exceeds description. The hero of my life today tells me "Why are you saying these things? Don't go near this person or that. Don't post anything that would jeopardize your academic future. You're grandmother is worried that you are brainwashed by people who support what is going on." What she does not know is that it is her who raised me with eternal love and respect for freedoms, difference in opinion, the possbility of change and the idea of exceeding my own expectations. I do not choose to follow anyone, I never did. Bunafoor, Alnoaimi and Sharif are people I highly respect along with many other but they never did, do not and will never define my choices or my life.

My message here is:

If you believe in something, a change in circumstances does not change the heart of your belief.

Bahraini Echoes

It is important that whenever you establish change as your motive in life, to recognize that the price is not one that you can afford on your on. The wisdom in that is that you ought to understand that with great measures comes obvious risk and that risk is mainly having to put your faith in people you are getting to know as each day passes.

Bahrain has been wounded by its own government long time ago. Many people have chosen to look the other way and enjoy the luxuries of their life when others suffered the greatest sacrifice. What has started as a hopeful move towards democracy and freedom in Bahrain has turned violent and stained with the blood of martyrs of the youth who want to see equality perceived and a constitution above all men in the Bahraini society.

It has been decades and the people of Bahrain were attempting to establish a system above the individual power of humans in a country that long suffered oppression. Alkhalifa family has ruled Bahrain since its establishment and there was no objections to a royal family ruling over the people Bahrain. Under the British government's control, the people saw the measures of abuse that people like Henderson has attempted to control the wills of the free and silence those who defy what they sought to be injustice. My grandfather was young and ambitious and wanted to test if these dreams can come true in a country that long claimed respect for the will of the people. Nonetheless, his friends' efforts to pursue the punishment of the abuser, rectify the wrongs in the systems and recognize the need for a better society did not continue for long. Ian Henderson's established means of torture have gotten the best of the league of change seekers in Bahrain in the 1960s and 1970 leading the majority of them to leave for exile elsewhere.

Ever since, Alkhalifa have accumulation wealth and fortunes, privatized public property and appointed the lands of the people to the members of the royal family. As years progressed and greed was evident, the people refused to continue to accept. Long before anyone knew it, we became an oppressed people limited by circumstances but still seeking change. Not many found this aspect of politics in Bahrain very necessary as they had what they wanted and avoided involvement in politics. Thus, the struggle was buried under everyday offenses that are misreported to the general public.

It seems that what started as a clear statement of rejection for further oppression in North Africa, has lit a fire of hope in the rest of the Middle East as nation after nation has exploded with demands and civil disobedience against regimes they believed were no longer to rule a people that rejects it. Bahrain might not achieve what Tunisia has accomplished in such a short time but I sure believe that my people are courageous and will stand against the tankers, guns and open ammunition of the government as long as the world watched the atrocities taking place.

This is where I found it to be important to be able to help being away as I wish so much to be on the streets amongst my people calling for a government by the people, for the people and from the people. However, as I am here miles and miles away, I found the opportunity to hold the door wide open and let Americans and the rest of the world see my people and learn about my country. Soon I will be doing a presentation about my country on campus where I will be evaluating the situation in Bahrain from my point of view and promoting for the support of my oppressed people.

 I pray that God will help us get through this, that people will stand united despite the government's means to demolish our unity, and that this is the year where thing will change for the good of Bahrain and its people and not for the benefit of Alkhalifa and their interest holders.

Florida Baby!

 In times of stress I write. I write because my heart is too tired to beat, my lungs and too exhausted to entertain air and my body is paralyzed. I write because my mind feels trapped as if I am in a comma and I cannot move but I feel everything around me.

March 4th, 2011 was the day I realized I am a mortal being. Don't get me wrong, I never though I was a superhero or acted as if I was invincible in any way or shape or form. I simply was too occupied with my morality to understand that at the end of the day, what we see in dreams, what aspire for through our ethics and what we feel deep inside is distinctively separate from our physiology.

I am merely a human, a lump of flesh and blood, a female with weaker physical power in battle verses a male, an overweight, scarred, self-conscious, detail-oriented twenty-one year old me. I have never in my life felt that I am better than anyone around me, even when I proved and was told I was. I always think and believe will continue to think that I lack something and need to acquire more of whatever it is I feel I am lacking at that moment in order to move a step ahead. Fairly ambitious you would say. Not at all!

I am aware of my lack of self-esteem which I have always referred to with excuses such as the need for more knowledge and empowerment, or even convening myself that it is best to assume you know less than to make a fool out of yourself. You know what, I have been a fool for too long thinking this way. I do not think it is a wrong strategy for self-improvement, I simply think it did me no good.

I have done a lot in my life, i have been an active member of the civil society in my country, have been interested and involved in politics from a very young age, i have taken steps that no many people in my age and under my circumstances have where i come from and I sure have consistently achieved miles ahead from what i aspired for in my life. Why do I still feel threatened and deny myself the right to feel superior sometimes. There is nothing wrong with claiming the ripe fruits of what we plant or even those we have not yet planted as long as we have had prominence in our approach in life and have come far from where we started.

I do not like looking back in time, I do not enjoy seeing the miles i have walked in lonesome denying myself from enjoying the simple things in life. I have been too hard on myself always and I have just realized that I need to change that. or maybe not, I probably have realized this before but failed to let go of myself and just enjoy life. As tedious as this sounds, i have always known that i wanted to break away from my own life, from the lack of love and family, the broken homes i lived in, the arrogance of men in my life, the abuses, the lack of belief in my dreams, the discouragements, the advice, the forced support and my parents. I never loved my life even though I loved my sisters and my aunt dearly, i never was able to be myself around anyone in my whole family but them, simply because they believed in me and they trusted me with their lives.

I have made one of the best transitions in my lifetime last year when I got accepted to a non-degree exchange scholarship of one academic year to study in a college in the United States. I came here hesitant as I was not going through the best things in my life at the time, and was keen on getting away on a similar program for only the summer of last year. however, things happen the way they are the best to teach us, and looking back now, I would not imagine me being home and struggling the same things for this whole year.

During my time on this scholarship I met wonderful people who inspire me day by day to be a better person and pursue my dreams no matter what. I became more expressive about my emotions, more touchy and hug-gy, more reflective and gained better understanding of how things work in different environments. I have changed, I do not know how, when or due to what, but I have changes hopefully to the best. I have not seen it in me even though I feel it, but my friends have and my close ones. I see the power that lies in that as much as I fear it but I cannot wait to experience more through this transformations.

March 4th, 2011 was an indescribable experience to my closest of friends who were involved and myself. We were victims to random armed robbery three hours after arriving in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Consequently, we ended up spending the night being interrogated by police officers, identifying the captured suspects and providing more testimonies at the police station until 6 int he morning of the following day.

I cannot seem to find the appropriate adjective to describe this misfortune but all I know it has made me aware of the reality of everyone around me. Losing official documents, identifications, a lot of money in cash, credit cards and precious items in our purses does not amount to the loss of relationships that came out of this.

After going through the first night in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, all we wanted to do is to get out of there and getting to a better place of comfort. I was glad no one was hurt, contemplated on the possibilities over and over again, blamed myself for the what-if due to my stupidity and tried to make sense of what happened. But what I came out with every time, it was beyond my ability to comprehend or event prevent.

At a time like this, where we were trapped in a place we did not want to spend another second at, with not even a single means of comfort, we all fell into despair. Luckily, we pulled ourselves together and we pulled through! We managed to get the police reports to travel, made ti through check points at the airport and finally landed in Washington D.C. This was freedom, I am not even exaggerating.

I am now back to Junaita College a couple of days after Spring Break had started, and I do not feel at all relieved. All I feel is loss, anger and despair but unsure for what or towards whom. All I know is that I have failed my friends and myself on this trip and I would never be able o change that.

Again, I am back at the point where I question myself and take away from my accomplishments in life. I have only myself to blame for this habit and I ought to set my mind to get over such weakness.

Florida has given me a new perspective and I still am unsure where to go from there.
Let's wait and see!